What "Success" Looks Like When It's Not Yours - And how to redefine it.

The Trophy That Felt Empty

There’s nothing lonelier than standing on a podium holding a trophy you don’t want. Everyone claps, the numbers look great, the champagne is poured, and inside, you feel nothing. Or worse: you feel like a fraud.

That’s what happened to me when I was working in corporate sales. I had the accolades, the bonuses, the proof. Four years in a row, I was one of the top performers in my division. In my last fiscal year, I even hit 182% of my target. People looked at me and said: success.

But it wasn’t my success.

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Personal Anecdote: The 182% Year

Here’s how I did it: I treated my territory like a chessboard. Instead of blindly chasing every lead, I analyzed it meticulously. I knew which clients would buy, which wouldn’t, and where the opportunities really lay. I created a system where my partners did much of the selling for me, and I gave them extra margins in return. Everybody won.

Well, almost everybody.

My clients were happy. My numbers soared. My colleagues respected me.

But my manager hated me. I was uncontrollable. I didn’t play the obedient, predictable role she expected. And in a system built on costumes and compliance, that made me dangerous. So she harassed me until I broke.

That year, I learned a brutal truth: success is toxic when it doesn’t align with your story.

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The Problem: Borrowed Success

What happens when you’re living a version of success that isn’t yours?

• You can hit numbers and still feel empty.
• You can win praise and still feel worthless.
• You can collect trophies that don’t belong in your house.

What stats say:

• Gallup reports that only 34% of U.S. workers feel engaged in their jobs, despite record-high productivity. Translation: people are succeeding at things they don’t care about.
• A study in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that people who chase extrinsic goals (titles, salaries, status) report lower life satisfaction than those who pursue intrinsic goals (meaning, autonomy, growth).
• Harvard’s “Grant Study,” which followed participants for 75 years, concluded that the single greatest predictor of life satisfaction wasn’t achievement, but alignment between values and daily choices.

So yes, success can be borrowed. And borrowed success feels like theft, from yourself.

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ADHD and Success Masks

For ADHD brains, borrowed success can be even more disorienting.

Research in ADHD Attention & Performance shows that ADHD adults often overachieve in structured systems, not because they care, but because they’ve learned to hack the rules.

That overachievement comes with chronic impostor syndrome: even when you hit 182%, you assume it’s luck or a mistake.

Meanwhile, rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) makes every conflict with authority feel devastating, reinforcing the idea: I don’t belong here.

That was me. I was thriving in a system I despised, applauded for results that felt meaningless, and punished for being myself.

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David Laroche and Micro-Steps

The turning point came when I discovered the concept of micro-steps, popularized by David Laroche.

Not baby steps, micro-steps.

When you’re paralyzed by fear, “baby steps” still feel huge. Micro-steps are tiny enough to bypass fear. They’re designed for moments when the idea of quitting a job, starting a business, or reinventing your life feels impossible.

And micro-steps work. Behavioral science backs it:

• BJ Fogg’s Tiny Habits research at Stanford shows that starting ridiculously small (flossing one tooth, doing one push-up) leads to sustainable behavior change.
• A study in European Journal of Social Psychology found that micro-actions increase self-efficacy, building momentum toward bigger goals.

I didn’t need to blow up my career overnight. I just needed to take micro-steps toward alignment.

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My Micro-Steps Out of Corporate Life

Here’s what it looked like in practice:

Micro-Step 1: I started sketching again, at night, after work. Not for clients. For me.

Micro-Step 2: I took on one small freelance design project, just to test the waters.

Micro-Step 3: I began telling people, quietly, that I wanted to build brands, not just close deals.

Micro-Step 4: I said “no” to one client who drained my energy, even though the money was tempting.

Micro-Step 5: I started building my own brand identity, pixel by pixel.

Each micro-step was terrifyingly small. But together, they rewrote my definition of success.

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Redefining Success

Here’s what I know now:

• Success isn’t hitting 182% of someone else’s target.
• Success isn’t applause for playing a role you never auditioned for.
• Success is alignment. It’s waking up and recognizing your reflection in the work you do.

And the science agrees. Self-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan) shows that humans thrive when three needs are met: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Salary and titles matter far less than whether you feel free, skilled, and connected.

In other words: borrowed success might look good on the outside, but real success feels good on the inside.

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Actionable Takeaways

If you’re chasing borrowed success, here’s how to rewrite your own metrics:

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Audit Your Trophies.

Look at your biggest achievements. Do they make you proud, or just make you look good?

Define Alignment.

Write down what success looks like for you, not for LinkedIn. Be specific.

Start Micro.

Don’t quit everything tomorrow. Take micro-steps that move you toward alignment.

Reframe Conflict.

If your manager hates you for being yourself, it’s proof you’re on the edge of your real story.

Measure Joy, Not Just Numbers.

Keep track of energy gained vs. energy drained. That’s the truest KPI.

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Conclusion: Success That Belongs

That year I hit 182% of my target, everyone else saw success. I saw a warning sign. I realized I was winning a game I didn’t want to play, on a field I didn’t belong to, with a coach who wanted me to fail.

And so I left. Not overnight, not dramatically, but step by micro-step. Until the trophies on my shelf finally reflected victories I actually wanted.

Because borrowed success might impress others. But only real success, success you claim, success that aligns, can ever satisfy you.

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